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u dont rilly understand
unless its happened to u
u dont rilly understand
unless uve felt the pain
u dont rilly understand
unless ur me!


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Saturday, May 01, 2004
...........................................................................

     Why do I always feel so useless? Like I can never be good enough for anyone. I just wish my life was over. Right now. I hate pretending to be happy every day. I hate everything. No matter what I do, it's wrong. No matter how much effort or time I spend on doing something, it's wrong. And I hate people. Just people in general. I don't like talking to them, I don't like being around them, I just don't like people. I can try my very hardest and very best to please them, but it never works. Seems like just when I think someone actually likes me, they prove me wrong. Shove it in my face without even knowing it. Heck, who am I kidding? I'm right about one thing. It may be the only thing I ever get right, but I'm a worthless failure...

Posted at 5/1/2004 12:46:17 pm by laurWREN
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Thursday, April 29, 2004
I LOVE JOHN I LOVE JOHN I LOVE JOHN

     You know what? I do make John out to be a truly, extremely, awful, bad person, don't I?! It's not that I mean to, it's just that I never really write about all the good stuff. Yes, we've had bad times. Very bad times. But we're still together and that's all that matters to me. And I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I wouldn't want to imagine it. I love him tttthhhhiiiissss much! And I don't care about all the things I've already said about him. Yeah, they're true and yeah, they're not great things, but hey, nobody's perfect? And he's fixed them! Whether he knows it or not, he has. I never said a word to him about all that stuff (until he read it) and he fixed it! Now that I honestly think about it, about him, about our relationship, I wouldn't have it any other way. Wouldn't have any other person. Words just CANNOT explain how I feel about him. Seriously. I've never really sat down to just 'think' about him. Now that I have, I like it. It's like the perfect dream that I never had.

     And now I have to get off. I'm not so sure I'm done with all of that, but I'll finish later.


@-->----


I LOVE JOHN <3

Posted at 4/29/2004 4:51:48 pm by laurWREN
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VROOOOOOOMM

  Forget all the stuff about hatin John and all that crap!! Ok? K! :-D

Posted at 4/29/2004 2:54:16 pm by laurWREN
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
what have i done

  To start things off, I'll say this...I broke up with John. I wrote him a letter in Computer Tech and I gave it to him. I don't know if he's read it yet though. I'm still at the Middle school. I have no clue where my mother or Hunter or Morgan is! Oh well. They'll show up sooner or later. But back to the John thing...I hope I did the right thing. I still like him and everything, but I really had changed.Everyone kept telling me but I didn't listen to them. Now I finally see it. And he was too controlling. I couldn't even talk to my best friend without him getting extremely pissed. I know why he doesn't like Taylor. Cause he tried to get me and John to break up. But he was right. I'm gonna miss John. I just hope that we will still be really close friends.

Posted at 4/21/2004 12:29:08 pm by laurWREN
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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
spring break sux

  Day 6 of spring break...and i hate it! Only 4 more days to go, and I'll have something to do- SCHOOL. Not the best place in the world, but it's a whole lot better than being here. Only cause there's nothing to do here. I mean NOTHING. My mother was nice enough and, with what little heart she has, let me get on the computer. ( But I think it was just a way to shut me up and get me away from being around her. ) Which is okay with me.
  We ( Daddy, Mother, Morgan, Nana, Grampa, and I ) went to see Passions today. It was VERY VERY EXTREMELY good. A little graphic, lotta good. It was one of those movies that just kinda whacks you in the head with a brick and makes you come to your senses. Makes you want to be the best you can be because now you have an idea of what He went through...FOR YOU! Definitely a tear jerker. I was doing my best not to cry, but it was just so overwhelming. I hope it comes out on video. I would buy it. What was really cool about it was that it was in...that language...Arabic...is that it? I can't remember exactly, but anyways. I thought that was pretty cool cause they had to teach an almost extinct language to all those actors and stuff. AND! the subtitles were big enough that I could read them without my glasses, or contacts, for that matter. Then after that, we went to eat at Monterays ( SP? ). That place is good. And they play Mexican music! So cool!
  I haven't been able to talk to John on the phone in like 2 weeks. And for some reason, I just have this sickening feeling that he's been with some other girl. Alex mainly. I don't know why. But it just keeps coming back. And he's only metioned her once, and he metioned her with great admiration. Just the way he said he knew her and she's seen him pitch before. But I'm trying not to let that get to my head. What's that quote thing? What you don't know can't hurt you. It's what you suspect that messes everything up. Might wanna keep that one in my head.
  Better get off now, before I get yelled at again.

Posted at 4/7/2004 2:44:12 pm by laurWREN
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Wednesday, March 31, 2004
why is life so confusing?

  i havent ritten in forever!! (literally) but anywho.....

  im goin out w/ john (AGAIN). and i rilly thought it would work this time. but things rnt goin to well. hes so freakin mean to kyia! and i told him to stop, and he did, for like 2 days. and now shes completely pissed at me for not tellin him to stop more. AND he flirts w/ practically every girl now that i told him to slow it down. (cause of the woods incident and everything.) ggggaaaahhhhh!! i dont kno what to do! and i cant talk to taylor w/o john gettin mad. its insane. i dont even rilly kno why john has to be so mad at taylor tho! yes, taylor told us we should break up, but so did everyone else! and i broke up w/ him on my own will. its just that taylor and rachel and kyia had rilly good points why i should. and waymond! OMGoodness! waymond likes me and he holds my hands and hugs me and he kisses me on the cheek...IN FRONT of john. and john doesnt do nething or get mad. he sed it was cause waymond was his 'protection'. i guess from andres since hes on taylors side. but thats pretty pathetic when u let some guy that likes ur girlfriend hang all over her cause u wanna have someone there to have ur back in case somebody else comes after u.

  and john says he 'doesnt feel as close to me' on days that we dont rilly do anything (i.e. kiss) and that bothers me 2. and that he judges/rates me on how i look. like, the other day, i was a 4 cause i wore my loser shirt and kinda tight jeans, but i wasnt wearin all of my makeup. and then another day, i was an 8 cause i wore my skirt and a rilly tight shirt, but again, i wasnt wearin all of my makeup. its drivin my CrAzY! i mean, i dont wanna break up w/ him cause i do like him, its just i dont like what he does thats the problem. he can b so sweet and innocent one second and 2 seconds later hes the next closest thing to the devil.

..::..gotta go eat..::..

Posted at 3/31/2004 2:41:46 pm by laurWREN
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Thursday, January 15, 2004
I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE...

...I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! y cant i do a single fuckin thing rite?! everytime i do sumthin, its rong. I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! an to all u that kno me, sry im a shitty friend and a stupid bastard. I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i were dead. I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


fuck all yall

Posted at 1/15/2004 6:44:06 pm by laurWREN
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Tuesday, January 06, 2004
skool starts bak!!

   Today was actually a surprisingly good day! I don't know why I thought that it wouldn't be all that great, but I was totally wrong. Not that anything really good happened, but then again, nothing really bad happened either. Ryan didn't say a word to me today though. I'm not really sure why. I don't think that I said anything offensive. Well, no, I might know something, yesterday when I said "Damn motherfuckers," I think he thought I called him that. To clarify: I WAS SAYING THAT TO ALL GUYS in general. Not just him. Another big shocker, Mrs. Hood gave us hardly any homework! Yay!=) I need to work out tomorrow...don't know where that came from, but I was just thinking about it. Oh, yeah! I have an orthodontist appointment after school. I'm getting my wires tightened. But I'm not sure which colors to get. Oh well. Yuck...I feel like I'm gonna throw up! I had 2 pieces of pizza and 2 breadsticks. Ugh...
   I can't really think of anything else that happened...

Posted at 1/6/2004 2:59:55 pm by laurWREN
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Monday, January 05, 2004
=(

   My gosh! Will somebody PLEASE tell me what the hell I'm doing wrong?! Everytime I end up liking a guy that actually likes be back, he turns around the next day and likes another girl. I wouldn't really care about it that much, except for the fact that it's happened with EVERY SINGLE GUY!! I can't stand it! Damn motherfuckers!
   Well, something ALMOST good to write about...I'm working at Johnny's resteraunt (or however u spell it) and it's SO freakin awesome! I hostessed the other night and it was pretty cool, but washing dishes is so much better! Cause Daniel turns the radio on and there's nobody (like customers) back there and usually not a lot of other workers besides the cooks....which are MEXICAN! Armando and Renyolds. Both of them like me and I think that both of them are married! They like everyone else too. And at the end of the hour clean-up, Reno and Armando were back there clocking out and I went back there to put a cup in the sink. Reno said something to me in Spanish and I was like "What?" and he said it agian until finally he said something that sounded like "Your body is perfect." Then he winked and walked off. It was kinda creepy cause it was dark, but that's ok with me! I love Mexicans, well, only sometimes. But I'm always getting stalked by them. One time, I think it was in 7th grade, anyways, it was at Bi-lo and my dad forgot to get the butter so I had to go back and get it. There was this really freaky Mexican that came up and said something (but I'm not gonna say it on here cause it was really gross) and that's the last time I went to Bi-lo! And, there was another Mexican at the Bi-lo Center (damn Bi-lo) but Charles told him where I went to school and the guy said "I go there!" I was like Gee thanks Charles, now he's gonna come rape me! But it's all good, still haven't seen him at school though.
   I don't really feel like typing anymore. I pissed enough and I don't need the computer adding to it.

Posted at 1/5/2004 8:32:03 am by laurWREN
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Tuesday, December 23, 2003
UHHHHH!

   GAH! I HATE JOHN! He called me and was just talking, so I figured I'd be nice and talk to him. Then, he was like, "Why am I talking to you?" and I said, "Cause you're bored." and he said, "Oh yeah. Brittany won't talk to me (or something like that...) but she's cooler than you." And that's where I drew the line! He didn't even say he was kidding or anything!! OMG! I didn't have a mirror, but I know my face was bloodshot red. He obviously has no idea what it's like to compete with somebody like that, somebody perfect, everyday...every single fucking day! And I can't take it! Every boyfriend I've had has done something like that to me! I just, I don't know, I just hate guys! I know not all guys are like that though, but hell, it sure seems like it. Screw this..I'm not even gonna write about it anymore.

  Well, to change the subject, our family Christmas party was tonight. It was ok. Fuck this...I'm not in the mood to type...

Posted at 12/23/2003 6:52:27 pm by laurWREN
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